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Carmen Electra Has an Orgasm by Mason Hawk

Carmen Electra had her first orgasm at age 12. It was an accident that resulted from a pair of obscenely tight Calvin Klein jeans and a few fortuitous bumps on the high school bus. "I just thought it was the most amazing feeling I felt in my life," Carmen professes. "Everyday I sat on the bus I'd try to repeat the same thing, but it wouldn't happen again."

The bus that played such an instrumental part in Electra's formative years was owned and operated by the city of Cincinnati where she grew up. At age five, Carmen (then known as Tara Patrick) won her first dance contest, gyrating her precocious little body to Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy." (I guess they did.)

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In her mid-teens, Electra enrolled in the School for Creative Arts to further her nascent dance career. A stint with Prince (who renamed her Carmen) and one Playboy spread later and Electra managed to negotiate her way to the top. Currently, at 24, she is stepping in for Jenny McCarthy, assuming the mantle as host of MTV's Singled Out – but you already know that, right?

What you may not already now is some of the following: Carmen does not have sex on the first date (or so she claims); she's had relatively few boyfriends to date (or so she claims); and what boyfriends she has had have names that come straight out of a cheap romance novel like "Shane Sparks" and "Craig Carrington."

While we're on the subject of dating, you may be wondering what attracts Carmen to a potential suitor. Brawn and good looks? Money and power? Not so, according to she. "I like a man that's in touch with his feminine side," she claims, "who's not afraid to express himself and doesn't have a cavemen complex."

This, of course, may be good news to Richard Simmons (except that he's gay) but if you're a bull-headed macho like me – who mixes sheet metal screws in with his corn flakes in the morning – you're sort of left out in the cold. No dates for us. We left our feminine sides at the hardware store, somewhere over by the plumbing supplies. All that we get is an hour a day with Carmen, via the tube and the living room couch.

Then again, there's always the Web. I mean, that's what the Internet's for, right? It's not quite a date but at least she won't be "bopping" you on the head and kicking you around in front of millions on late-afternoon cable – not that you would really mind that, would you.

April 1997

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